My husband and I started a ritual we call “Hot tub Inventory.” This fall we caught ourselves “drifting to survive.” The song, Surrender by Natalie Taylor has become deeply personal to us because it captures our season of drifting and returning so well. We realized we hadn’t really been seeing each other because we allowed the rest of life to become front and center. This pattern was happening in every area of my life.
Have you ever done design work in Canva? If not, just stick with me on this;
when you’re creating an image in Canva you add new elements layer by layer. First a background, then a graphic, a font, and so on. You can push an element back or bring it forward one layer at a time or you can “send to back” all at once.
This Fall I was pushing important elements of my life to the back one layer at a time and eventually hitting “Send to back” all at once. I drifted from my journal writing, from the book I’m writing, from some of my spiritual practices, and even from my family at times.
I felt wholly untethered.
Then, in a “send to front” all at once kind of moment, my husband and I began to focus on us.
Enter Hot Tub Inventory.
We meet in the hot tub right after we get kids off to school. We’re lucky enough to work from home so we guard and protect this time above all else, barring immovable meetings and unplanned kid pickups from school. We choose the hot tub because it automatically sets us at ease.
Inventories sound kinda formal but they’re actually the opposite. They’re open and honest –
a check-in at the soul level.
During this time we talk, laugh, cry, and sit together. But most importantly we listen. These inventories are hard and sometimes leave us feeling drained, but they’re also restorative and enlightening — carving out a new path for our relationship. I’m feeling ready to inventory other areas of my life one layer at a time and I’m offering this ritual to you as well. So, here it is…
Inventory | Soul level Check-in:
Think about the elements that make up your life (your job, kids, partner, goals, career, finance, your passion, etc…)
Choose one to focus on. I suggest braving up and picking the one that makes you feel a little (or big) sting. It’s probably the element needing your attention the most right now.
Set aside a time each day to focus on this specific element. This time can be as long or as short as you need, just guard and protect it as best you can.
Now, you’re ready for an inventory or a soul level check-in. This doesn’t have to be done with a partner if you’re not doing an inventory on your relationship, but I suggest doing it as though you’re speaking to somebody else.
Start with a question like,
Why am I struggling to write lately?
Listen for the response. Maybe it’s,
I’m afraid. I’m tired. I’m sad.
Respond with,
Tell me more,
Listen again.
I’m afraid of what’s inside of me. I’m not sleeping well at night. I feel drained of ideas and passion for anything.
Repeat the response (out loud, in your mind, or in writing.)
I hear you. You’re afraid of what’s inside of you. You’re not getting good sleep which makes writing hard and you’re drained of your usual good ideas and passions.
Ask, what do you need?
Listen again.
I need confidence. I need good sleep. I need encouragement.
Offer a response that provides for that need in some small way.
You are a writer through and through. Whatever your truth is (no matter how scary) it is worthy of being written. I will make space for you to get good sleep tonight. Even though I’m not in full control of the quality of your sleep, I can get you in your bed at a reasonable hour. Your passion and ideas are still there, even when buried, they’re not gone. This check-in is a step toward bringing those passions and ideas back to the surface. Be patient, they will come.
And that’s it.
This kind of inventory might seem a little woo-woo, but it’s been a life changer for me, so maybe it’ll help you too. Let me know how it goes.
In your corner,
Jill
Book Recommendation: The Stories We Tell, by Joanna Gaines.
Thank you, Jill. I am always inspired by your words, but these came at an especially perfect time for me. Thank you for writing!